Thursday, February 15, 2007

Love of a loveless

love is in the air!!
very strange, very very strange.. Its valentines day and coincidentally i am feeling love sick. I assure you its not anything to do with the day. i am just feeling love sick. may be i need one now.

But who. they say she will come, and u will talk, and u will connect, and u will fall in love. I have waited. I have have taken many trains on the one way route. But nothing happened, there was no connection, She is not there anywhere in the horizon. But, I want to fall in love with her.

I cry for company of a woman. Not the same way i cried the first time, no not infatuations, nothing sexual. I cry for a company, but for some reason I want that to be a girl. I want to talk to her about intuitions, aliens, constellations, food, love, music, movies, job, science, conspiracy theories, parents, friends.I want to listen to her talk, talk her heart out. I want to feel her aura, feel her voice, feel the dew on hair, feel her perfume.I want to fall in love.

I want to connect. I always picture it like a tube connecting her with me. It glows, glows bright. Bright with love. But cant see her face. Its hazy up there, but it didn't matter then. But now i want it to be real. I want to see the face and hear her. I want to fall in love with her.

But Who??

Sunday, February 11, 2007

Prejudice and Underestimation

Dreams, interesting things they are. I feel there are two types of dreams. One, those that are really arbit and seem to you like a motion picture, complete with sub plots and main plots, a hero (usually you), a heroine (usually her) and the extras. The other is ofcourse the one that all the great people talk about. “I have a dream” said ML king. Yes that DREAM-the one that can get you the car, the girl, the comfort, the trip to Egypt, the chick in the movie. Yes that dream, the dream that most of us live our lives for.

There was this self help book that I was reading once that said it’s the worst crime to die with the dreams remaining dreams. When I was in my 3rd standard, my father used to tell tales of my dadu who was the only doctor in the whole Burdwan district in west Bengal. And about how famous he was and how he rode his white horse, chetak. What else do you expect from a small child listening to such wonderful tales. Yes that’s when I thought that my “future” is in curing people. I had to become the doctor!! (the exclamation is for


And then it was software engineer, and sadly the only reason I thought I wanted to become one was because everyone one around me was one and belting money out of it. Not only that one person went all the way to New Zealand with that job. Now New Zealand was one of the foreign locations I always imagined myself with her in my other type of dreams. So obviously I had to become a software engineer!!

Engineering happened. I moved out of home, hostel happened. There I was suddenly hit by my real future. I had not become the doctor. I had taken mechanical engineering, software not happening too. So what now, automobile engineer or aeronautical (what else did u expect from me). That’s what I thought I was going to become a good mechanical engineer and serve the industrial world!!

I am placed in a software company. And I am now planning to become a restaurateur. I want to protect this dream of mine. Really do. I am really scared that this will turn out the way my other dreams have. I am scared. But this one is a dream of a older person. A dream that has grown a lot. A dream that has had similarities to the first type ( the hero is a restauranter ). Please god help me protect it.

As Will smith says “u have a dream, protect it, nurture it, till it becomes true”.. pursuit of happyness.

And yeah about the heading, I dont like it(them) it either!!!

dadu- grandfather