Saturday, July 05, 2008

A Sinusoidal Life.

Its so important to emote. There are times when i feel I shouldn't emote. Or rather not emote in a particular way. But thinking kills the emotion. Kills relationships.

I have been through a lot over the last few months. Not before December did i think of people as losers( in a mild way), people who crib or people go off mood for just a drop of a towel. I never realised i would be in their position just after a few months. I used to have an air of superiority at people being emotional or the ones who dropped a tear before they could blink. Back then i had hit a purple patch in life, work was good, office was fun, friends were closest and life never looked better.

I made merry and how. I drank, I ate, I commented. Then one day looking at the mirror in the changing room of big bazar, I realised I had grown Fat. Now dont get me wrong, there is nothing wrong being Fat, but again everything is bad with being Fat. I had gone far from being disciplined. Life had kinda gone out of my grasps. I had at that time, at that very changing room, taken a challenge. Gonna Be fit withing the next two months.

I hit the gym. I ate good food. I stopped drinking. All was in control. Life looked much better, humility was back. Then all came down. Job didn't look safe, friends didn't look closer and I was fine. I was absolutely fine. Emotion, it was gone. I thought I had conquored it all, Humour I thought was the medicine. I thought wrong.

Recently over a chat with a friend I realised a lot of things that made me percieve things in a way, that reminded me of a 10th standard kid. His tears had rolled fast and he used to laugh loud. He never gave a thought before he emoted, he was a happy kid. But again we are grown ups , grown ups have problems. Very complicated ones at that. How does he prepare himself for it. Most of them have to be solved by you, a veil of confidence to counter a mind filled with deep revere. But when you cant. Revealing emotions, can make you a lesser man. Hiding them, you can be considered just a friend and not the one whom friends confide to.

Dukh baatne se kam hota hain,
baatne waale na mile to kya karein.
Baatne waale nahin rehange
agar tum unke gum ko na samajh sake.

Life is complicated and I soon wanna find my arms to help me come out of the complications, but with a smile and the relationships intact.