A Sinusoidal Life.

Its so important to emote. There are times when i feel I shouldn't emote. Or rather not emote in a particular way. But thinking kills the emotion. Kills relationships.

I have been through a lot over the last few months. Not before December did i think of people as losers( in a mild way), people who crib or people go off mood for just a drop of a towel. I never realised i would be in their position just after a few months. I used to have an air of superiority at people being emotional or the ones who dropped a tear before they could blink. Back then i had hit a purple patch in life, work was good, office was fun, friends were closest and life never looked better.

I made merry and how. I drank, I ate, I commented. Then one day looking at the mirror in the changing room of big bazar, I realised I had grown Fat. Now dont get me wrong, there is nothing wrong being Fat, but again everything is bad with being Fat. I had gone far from being disciplined. Life had kinda gone out of my grasps. I had at that time, at that very changing room, taken a challenge. Gonna Be fit withing the next two months.

I hit the gym. I ate good food. I stopped drinking. All was in control. Life looked much better, humility was back. Then all came down. Job didn't look safe, friends didn't look closer and I was fine. I was absolutely fine. Emotion, it was gone. I thought I had conquored it all, Humour I thought was the medicine. I thought wrong.

Recently over a chat with a friend I realised a lot of things that made me percieve things in a way, that reminded me of a 10th standard kid. His tears had rolled fast and he used to laugh loud. He never gave a thought before he emoted, he was a happy kid. But again we are grown ups , grown ups have problems. Very complicated ones at that. How does he prepare himself for it. Most of them have to be solved by you, a veil of confidence to counter a mind filled with deep revere. But when you cant. Revealing emotions, can make you a lesser man. Hiding them, you can be considered just a friend and not the one whom friends confide to.

Dukh baatne se kam hota hain,
baatne waale na mile to kya karein.
Baatne waale nahin rehange
agar tum unke gum ko na samajh sake.

Life is complicated and I soon wanna find my arms to help me come out of the complications, but with a smile and the relationships intact.

A Reference for Future Tho

Hey, last few months have been really stressful. Nearly two months back CEO of my company 'moved on'. When I asked my lead 'what now'?, he very promptly replied 'move on'. As if the universe has its way of teasing us, during the same time Fast Track came up with its new ad campaign with the tag line - 'Move on man...'.

Having stalled the decision to float my resume for nearly a month, I finally did.
The reason for the procrastination was that I was in a two year bond with Epsilon. But as some of my leads pointed out that breaking a service bond in such knotty situations will be innocuous, I finally managed to garner all my foolish courage to apply.

A friend informed me of an opening in his company in the same technology (perl) I was already working on. Gave the interview and after a week I was offered a job at Tejas Networks. Now it required a decision, Tejas or Epsilon. After consulting few of my colleagues and friends I finally chose Tejas. Then began a series of corporate ordeal that almost took the fun out of my life and filled me with so much confidence to take up this evil world, that I had a 15 minutes fight with an auto driver in Kannada and managed to extract 100 bucks out of him for the damage he caused to my Activa.

The next day, I told my manager. He outright disapproved my idea of moving on. His blunt act of defense took me by surprise. I walked out saying give me one more day and I will be back with my final decision (which I had already taken). I had to handle the next meeting carefully, at stake was at least 50,000 INR.

The next man went to was my boss. I told him of my options and pop came his reply - 'leave'. That was like the last nail on my chances of staying in Epsilon.

The Next day. Managers room. Things really went fast. Along went the hope of paying only 50,000 INR. The resignation was accepted at 85,000 INR. I was literally speechless.

One week and few beers later, I am hoping I can get back atleast 60,000 INR.

And in other news, I had been to mulengiri near chikmagalur. A brisk trek with yak, his bro and subbu. The most refreshing thing since a year.
Veena's visit to bangalore and a reunion of sort cause I met Monty after three months.

To God: The last time I had a crush I didn't tell her, I had then decided that the next girl I have crush on I am telling her the very next day. But as they say you have the best sense of humor. I shall learn, I shall learn.

Hope, things go the way its planned.
bbye!!

Fragility

This is my first...
Its a wonderful sight, the baby is wrapped up in the white towel, eyes try the best to open, the cry is so sweet...... The minute the human is born he is saved by the already grown up world. This continues till death beckons.
Have u ever wondered how fragile that human was and will be till he dies. Or. Have u wondered how powerful he is, protected and helped by the technology, made by the human himself!!
The reason that this contradictory thought seeped into my mind is because of the position have given it. It stands between two regions. Conquered and defeated.
How do I cope Or handle it. The mind runs again. Is it because I assumed my adept Or my loser attitude got the better of me. So is it all about perceiving things. Yes I guess.
So I assume my adept in anything I do? See, there again comes a thin line overconfident|confidence.
Confused I remain in all the layers.........